凌晨4點。跟我媽討論了帶狗回去的事情討論了幾乎一整晚。默默地又說起了他的事。我其實一直壓抑自己不去說他的事情。我想要別人覺得我不在乎，也想騙自己不在乎。我其實還是很在乎，還是非常的在乎。每個人女生被甩都要狠狠地哭上一整星期，甚至一個月。我倒好，哭了2天而已，第二天還是煮泡麵的時候默默地留了幾滴淚，因為想他了。之後每一天，正常上班，正常吃飯，正常睡覺，外加追劇耍廢。感覺過了一個快樂似神仙的愜意生活。可是，有誰又知道我的真實想法。我一直很想知道我是不是被綠了。不單單只是不甘心，而是很想知道我到底是什麼時候被綠的？！綠我的又是誰？！比起你種種控訴，我覺得你直接跟我說我被綠了不是更好嗎？我就瘋狂的罵，罵完就fuck you and move on. I'm still able to move on now, but it makes me think? Like, bro, all those complaints, none of them are true. How can you make it to point all towards me. I guess, 我只能腦補你private你的ig是因為你想move on. But honestly speaking, I still think because you posted with your new girl. I think you found a new girl okay! 我很難不在乎！我知道，只要我不在乎了，我管他換幾個。I just can't control my mind. 好！我可能是因為it's me only now. But it's hard to give up a 6 years relationship. Ughh!我精神真的要崩了！
Seriously, dude, it's reasonable for me to unfollow you because you're the one who broke up with me. But you privated your account on me just makes me looks guilty. You makes me think I'm guilty in this relationship. I didn't do anything wrong to be honest in this relationship. The most wrongful in this relationship is my status rushes you through marriage. I never force you to marry either. I never did! You offered me every time and now you came back to me and complain I force you into marriage! This is very fucked up you know! I ain't that cheap!
Let me put it this way, I believed you wanted to move on, then return all my stuffs. I returned all yours because you want nothing from me anymore. I dropped it off right at your doorstep, then do the same. Don't let me keep thinking about it and you! All of your complaints for breaking up is bullshit!! FUCKING BULLSHITS! When I told you about COVID-19 and ask you do prevention is annoying and killing the vibes, when your BFF (who the fuck know who this person is) told you so, it's caring and you feel warmed. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!! Whoever this MF BFF is, I give you my blessings!! 不管你男的女的，老娘穿過的舊鞋，送你啦！幹！ughh
每個人都覺得我很堅強，很獨立，很motivated，可有誰又知道，我很想說我一點也不獨立，一點也不堅強，一點都不想當那個很酷的女人。我偶爾也想當那些令人受不了的女人！每天我都要逼自己不想，不聽，不看，不問，這樣慢慢的忘記，放手。有多少次我很想拿起手機，偷偷地去看他的帳號。我不知道是不是很愛很愛，可是我想念。在這邊的每一個地方，沒一件在做的事情，無一不是沒有跟他一起做過的。現在一切都只是回憶。從第一天在一起就去過的餐廳，再也不去。去了6年，店裡的阿姨看著我們從朋友到情侶，我們也看著她的兒子每一年長高。如今，也不敢去了。怕店裡的阿姨問我，你男朋友怎麼沒來。想想眼淚就蓄滿在淚框。
還有4個月就要離開這國家。跟我媽說我好難過啊，因為要離開了。媽媽同上，因為待這裡也8年了。我媽都快忘了我是哪裡人了。回去一切從新開始。從哪裡開始？我也不知道。我也茫然啊啊啊啊啊啊啊！！
Anyway，我媽說我們可以明年再回來玩。我想想，就拒了。我說我不想這麼快回來。回憶太多，我不太想回來。就好像說起迪斯尼，我就想起他。說到加州，我也只想起他。如果回來，我也只想起他。媽媽欲言又止，也只能說好吧，時間會沖淡一切。我也希望。
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