活着，很累。

又回来了。

其实放大假了，本该开开心心的。可是，我今天心情真得不怎么好。心里，脑里，一直闪这一句话。

或许，真真不该出现在这个世界的是，我。不该生存下来的，是我。一切的不该，是我。

我终于明白，为什么每个人都有自杀的念头。还记得几个月前，看见别人自杀的报道觉得那个人很蠢，真是蠢得可以。可是当那个念头是自身出来的，自己就会发觉，那反而是一种解脱，是一种自由。

当一个人活着真的很累，好想倒下去，永远也不用烦恼。可是现实生活中，应该没那么简单吧。

是我太娇纵，生活太安逸，还是我不懂生活的现实？

Lame~~

Anneong~~

It's midnight, but i can't sleep in.. Maybe this week I always sleep very late, so it makes me can't sleep in early..><
Next week is my last SPM week.. I'm having account and Chinese.. Huuuu~~~~ Hope that is easy like a piece of cake.. Two days later, will be more busy I think.. Preparing to go to the embassy of US in KL.. Hope that will success doing the US Visa..
Haixxx~~~~~~~~~~ Totally no idea what gonna write here.. Let just stop it..
Annyeong~~

结束了吗？

亲爱的，我真的不知该不该放弃你。今天是我们最后一天见面了。我们真的就这样结束吗？心里有些不甘，可是事实已经摆在眼前了，我能不把你忘掉吗？我打从心里喜欢你，可是你已经放下我，转头走掉了。以前的我，拼命拒绝你；现在的我，却想得到你。心里真的很矛盾。

你，已经对我没感觉了。这是不能改变的事实，而我，也不会改变。如果你已经放下我了，我想这就是所谓的“缘分”吧。能够让你曾经疼过我，爱过我，我想我该好好的回忆它，而不是破坏它的美好。你呢？你也会满意我的选择吗？

说是真的很简单，但真真能做到的会有几个。我，很难达成自己的任务。你对我的疼爱，我真的很难忘掉。

我给过我们彼此机会，可是你好像不太想回应我的要求。我想，这就是你给我的答案吧，来报复我当年拒绝你。真的很痛，痛得眼泪都流出来了。你被我拒绝的时候，有这么痛吗？如果，我之前有过酱的痛苦，我想我不会让你承受吧。这种痛，真的让人无力。

谢谢你送我“礼物”。那“礼物”我会很珍惜很珍惜的。我很喜欢那份“礼物”。

SPM

Hihi~~
各位，好久不见啦。好久都没来了。感觉有点不同了。嘻嘻~~
本小姐，我呢最近在高考当中。辛苦啊~~

今天是高考的第三天了吧。还剩六天，我就真真的过完我的高中生活了。好兴奋那~~

下个礼拜一，我就正式的长大啦。虽然不是成年了，可是却使我真真成为花样年华的少女啦。哈哈哈哈~~~

各位，给我点祝福吧。

闷坏了

把一切闷在心里闷得好累。

很多事情不能坦白，因为会失去。

我不想再失去我刚得到的一切，不想再变得一无所有。

还剩一个月，我们就离开了。我希望我们离开前的一丁点时间里是快乐了的。而非充满敌对的。

往肚里吞，这句话，我铭记在心。不管好的，坏的，都往肚里吞。这样才能守住我现在拥有的。

Blank~~

Anyeong~~
Just changed my blog musics.. Hee:)

Accidentally heard this song and let me think about the scenes in Fullmetal Alchemist..
It is a anime that I love it few years ago.. I repeat watching it for 4 times.. It's crazy I know.. It's not a short story, it's almost 100 episodes , if I'm not wrong.. Hee:)
I love this song much.. Everytime when I heard it, I really burst into tears.. The songs touched me very much.. It's about the main character, Edward, wanted to recover his and his brother, Elric's bodies.. They lost their body parts while they tried to revive their mum..
Hmm... It's a very touch and nice story.. So that's why I repeat watching it non-stop.. I memorizes the whole story..
Haixx~~ Why can't I put this "memorizing" on my study.. Weird~~~
Today I have my exam on Science.. I think it is ok.. Didn't have any big problem on it.. Now I'm waiting for my next week trial exam on Maths and Additional Maths.. I also put some hope on my account actually.. I wanted to score it much.. But just because it is Malay, so I lost my interests on it.. Funny right? I know that.. I also feel myself very funny..
Convocation is coming on the next Saturday.. Oh gosh~~~ I suffer whole month on my costume.. Even now, I'm still suffering and I haven't buy anything yet.. Do convocation really need to wear dress? I really fade up to wearing those kinds of things.. It make me feel uncomfortable.. I feel sick wearing those~~!!

1 month and 19 days will be my SPM.. I hope my Malay subject can pass and I can get the certificate to apply college.. Actually my dad already apply the form for me for oversea studying.. Really, SWEAT~~~~ I haven't finish SPM yet, he already wanted to send me oversea already.. Really OMG~~~

人心

太过坦白会换来不好的气氛。

这样的情景，我尝试过。可能我太过于天真，认为跟书上写的一样，只要坦白，我们之间的距离就会拉近，误会也会明朗化。

某女跟我说过，任何事只要往肚里吞，一切就会过去。说的果然比做得还简单。说时认为，这很简单啊。只要不理就可以了，可是真正发生时，心里面难免还是会在意，会去注意。

这几天我都是这样渡过的。真的希望时间快点过，那么我就可以摆脱现在的不协调气氛。

有一个人，只从某天就对我特别反感。不是我对他，而是他对我。我不知道我做了什么得罪了你，如果是真有冒犯之出，我向你道歉。不知是不是我敏感了，只觉得你对我好像不像之前那样和气罢了。

可能是我跟这班人的命格不怎么和吧。抑或是，我个人问题。再怎么想，大多数人都会认为，我多次与友谊不和，都是属于后者关系。应该是这样吧，不然我也不会拥有那么多的anti-fans。

看来，我还是适合宅在家里的宠物，不适合在外到处走动。

好像醒了

亲们，还好吗？

离上次PO东西的时间，还蛮短的。

今天，我依然还是想发泄。想在他永远看不到也不知道的地方发泄。

你，又再一次的欺骗我了。上一次的欺骗，我可以接受你的道歉，信任你的话，相信你做的一切，是因为你不甘寂寞。可是这次我真的很难再对你保持‘信任’二字。

你会在乎吗？我对你已失去信任和希望。

你会后悔吗？

我想，只有我才会那么笨的相信你所有告诉我的一切吧。

玩弄我感觉如何？当我是白痴的耍又满足到你吗？

有人说过，被骗一次是可以谅解的；可是被骗第二次，那简直是蠢蛋。我，就是后者。

不要跟我说对不起。对不起，这句话，你已经没有资格说了。你的承诺，永远是不靠谱。

当我看到，我的脑子闪现的问题很多，最为清晰的是，你为什么又骗我？如果不是喜欢我的，为什么还要用暧昧的语言？你知道，那很伤吗？期望越大，失望得越大。

为了你，我流泪了。那应该叫做‘失恋的泪水’吧。我们没在一起过，可是我对你的感情，下得很重。再不经不觉得的情况下，放进去了。你呢？是抱着玩玩的心态去追求，还是也有放过感情进去呢？

这一次，真的醒了。不能再这么做梦下去了。梦虽然美，可是当梦碎了那会更伤的。

我们就把我们之间的‘爱昧’在这里画下句好吧。你，依然是你，过着你和她的生活；我还是我，过着一个人的日子。

歌之王子殿下

啊哈哈哈~！！！最近迷上了新动漫哦，歌之王子殿下。朝赞的啦~！！爱惨了~！！

看到标题会不会想到我这位腐女又找到了什么新BL动漫呢？哈哈哈。今次绝对不是耽美哦，是正港的男女恋漫啦。

怎样？赞吧？

其实我蛮想把他们六个人配对的。哈哈哈~！！腐女的爱好~！！

EXAM~!!!

Tomorrow is EXAM..

I damn hate it~!!!
I really do hate exam much.. So stressful.. What's so good having exam? I hate it much.. Dont know why the government love to set for the exam..

该道歉吗？

他好像真的生气了耶。怎么办。我不想先低头。先低头的人，通常都会先吃亏吧，而且，我还蛮好面子的咧。

该道歉吗？阿Bii讲我该去道歉，如果我还想维持我们的关系。如果不想维持，就不用去理他，等他生气生到饱是。唔~！！我该怎么办？我那天是不太过分了？可是，是他先惹我的耶，我发下脾气应该不为过吧。

现在想想，我那天的脾气是不是太大了一点？而且，好像太小鼻子小眼睛了一点。

吼~！！我真的是猪耶~！！干吗不能看开点。超级笨的猪~！！猪头加三级~！！

谁能救我啦？！真是烦死了，烦了两三天。

该低头吗？该道歉吗？可是很丢脸耶。我做不来。
天蝎女通常都是酱的人吗？都那么不能能屈能伸吗？我真的拉不下脸跟他道歉。要是他不接受，我不是更丢脸？吼~！！烦咧~！！

第一次的争吵

这是我们第一次真正的争吵。第一次为了别人而且是不太重要的人，吵架。你真的怎么想把我推给他？真的那么想我跟他在一起？虽然知道你是玩笑话，可是你知道当我听到时有多难受吗？你又想过吗？我每一次的解释难道你没能了解为什么我要跟你解释吗？为什么我一而再，再而三的跟你解释，你没想过吗？

你认为我真的那么小气，那么玩不起，为了你们几句话就生气？你，太小看我了，而且也在贬低我。我是存在是非中的人，充耳不闻，这四个字，我了得很。其他人我可以不管也不理，我真正在意的，是你的话。是你的几句话，让我受伤的，你知道吗？你的玩笑，让我觉得我是不重要的。

一时的甜言蜜语，换来的却是满身伤痕。那种痛，很难受，感觉真的很糟糕。如果想要听甜言蜜语，却换来这样的结果，我另可不要。我不要这样漂浮不定的感情。那样太辛苦了。

你等待的期间感觉痛，那么你有想过我吗？你真的认为我什么都没做，看你一个人的在痛苦吗？当你说完那些潇洒话的时，你根本没回头看过我，看我是不是跌得满身是伤。在一旁听你诉说你的前女友，听你失恋的痛苦，我不难过吗？听自己喜欢的人说着另一个女生的事，你认为我真的无所谓吗？你认为我这真的像脸上表现的那样无所谓吗？你真的这样以为吗？！

我受够了。玩笑有限度的。如果你真的喜欢我的话，不要说出那种令我感到伤心的事。我不想听到，也不想看到~！！

说出口，很难

人生有多少个可以为他人守候的两年，等待我两年了，累了吗？我知道你累了。在这期间，我很早就对你的举动动心了，可是我不能说，我的自尊不允许我先开口。我知道我这样很自私，可是这是我的性格，天蝎女的性格。如果你看见了这段，会不会一拳揍过来。我很怀疑。XD

你每次都先开口说爱，说你爱我。当你说这时，鼓起了多大的勇气才能说出口，这点我知道。我不知道怎样回应你的感情，所以才一直当乌龟。我不知道怎样答应你才显得我不是随随便便地答应你，而是我真的我喜欢上你了。还有可能的因素是，我太爱面子了吧，没有强硬的手段，我很难答应。我是不是太犯贱了？说真的，拒绝你，心情不是很好，非常糟糕。想反悔答应你，可是你总是说完后笑笑，想开我玩笑一样。我都不知道该怎么告诉你。你这样让我觉得，你不怎么真心，虽然我知道你不想我们之间存在尴尬。认真一回吧，我也会认真地回答你的。

每次上你的班级，你一定都得把我推销给你的朋友吗？都说了，我对他们没兴趣，你干吗还要这样。你知道被自己喜欢的人推销出去的感觉有多糟吗？你知道我有多难过吗？我真的很想敲开你的脑袋，看看你是不是真的像你说的那样喜欢我。我在这重申，老娘，我对他们没兴趣。如果有兴趣的话，我不用你的介绍也可以跟他们在一起，不用你给我介绍。

你的心里真的还预留位子给我吗？真的还在等吗？没有因为你现在是空窗期而勉强追求我？我害怕是这样。我不是一位可以为爱焚烧的女生。我爱一个人可以很理智的喜欢。如果你是真的喜欢我，我会欣然接受你；相反地，如果你是因为其他的原因，抱歉，我可以狠心的放弃，我对你的爱。

I have to go for NATIONAL SERVICE?!

Yesterday, government had given out a news on the newspaper.. For every 17-18 ages students, the National Service NAME LIST are out.. What the @#$%&/.... Damn nervous when I wanted to check my name is it on the name list..

Oh My God~!!! God doesn't love me~!!! You're so bad, man~!!!
"Tahniah! Anda terpilih menyertai Program Latihan Khidmat Negara Siri 9/2012."

Walao~!! I buy jackport also din have so ngam la.. 要死。I book ticket to Hong Kong also need to cancel.. TT__TT I want to go and buy shirt la..

Actually, I just afraid of my skin can stand or not.. Haixx.. Skin sensitive make me very headache.. My palm, can stand for tough training or not.. Start suffering now.. Oh My God~!!!

Haixx.. Next year, a dark complexion girl will meet you all.. Haixx~!!!

I'm BACK~!!!

Hihi~!!
I'm BACK FROM koRea~!!! <3
13 years before I went there before.. 13 years later, I've went back there.. Korea changes a lot after 13 years.. It become a fashion country..
Hmm.. The most important part in Korea is, there is a lot of handsome guy and beautiful lady.. Hahaha~!! OMO~!!! The Korean guy are so manly and some of the guy are so fashionable.. They have the same sign, they are all handsome guy.. Hahahaha~!! Got a good mood going there.. I hope that I still can go again next year..
I didn't have enough time to buy clothes and me hat.. The shopping mall have too many clothes and accessories for me to choose.. 2 hours is not enough for shopping.. The clothes are so fashionable~!!! Actually I can buy a lot of clothes, just my mum says it doesn't suit me, my height.. Awhhh~!!! Fainted~!! She says that my legs is too short to wear those long clothes.. Awhh~!!! Got crazy~!!! Those shirt really look damn nice, and I also wanted to buy it~!!! At last I just bought a few shirts.. Just few, 4 only.. SWEAT~!!!!
Planned to buy a hat, purse, clothing, pants/shorts there actually.. But I just bought clothing.. Saw a lot of nice hat, but it sosososososo expensive~!!! RM60++ a hat.. OMG~!!! I surely got heart-attack if I buy it..
Finally I've went to Teddy Bear Meseum.. <3 But it's in Seorak, not in Jeju island.. But at least I saw the teddy bear.. XD
Have eaten Kimchi and "New Year Cake" until vomit.. Everyday non-stop having that.. Pork is Korean's main Meat.. This a week trip, 2/3 days are having pork.. Grill pork, pork soup,....... Now I'm scared to see PORK.. It's so scary to me..
Uploading my trip photos in facebook.. Haixx~!!! The internet so spoil~!!! It takes me for few hours.. Feel boring for waiting~!!!

SHINee Replay(Japanese Version)

Oh My God~!!!
SHINee has released their song, Replay, in Japanese Version~!!! <3
And they also changed their hairstyle in this MV.. Hahahaha~!!! Taemin looks mature le.. XD
But I still love JongHyun.. Hahaha~!!! <3

还在意

因为一句话，伤口再次划开。

偶然间听见一句话，把心里已结疤的伤口再次狠狠地划开来。那种痛难以形容，应该就好像人家说的，在伤口上撒盐巴吧。当听见时，我不晓得该呈现怎样的表情来表达我的不在乎，筑起高高地保护墙，那很难。我以为我真的开始学会‘不在乎’之个词了，就像以前一样，真真地放下，不再理会。不过，刚才的事件很明显的表明了，我放不下，也还没学会。现在心里还是隐隐地发疼。

你们会觉得我很烦吗？我每天都在想。我怕你们会这样觉得。可是我顾虑不了这么多，为了融入你们的气氛，任何事我都得去尝试。我在尝试把自己的目光放得远远地，不管你们说什么，做什么，我都把它们当成朋友之间的玩笑抑或朋友都会做的事情。学习这些事情比上课还难，还复杂。

说真的，我快疯了。上下起伏地心情真的把我的开朗给磨平了。真的觉得很累，很累。一直追在后头跑的我，一直希望你们停下脚步来等等我追上来，可是我们之间的距离太遥远了，你们听不见。我真的好希望你们会为了我，停下脚步，等我追上去，然后一起跑向我们的终点。可是，。。你们可以吗？会为了我，停下脚步吗？

倍倍，你刚才问我的‘为什么’，我给不了你答案。我也不知道为什么她说‘三人份’而不是‘四人份’。可能，他们认为我早已离开那个‘窩’了吧。不再是‘窩’里的人。应该是这样吧。

Be Friend le?

So happy and feel satisfy that we become back like we used to be.. Hmm.. Isit like we used to be? Hmm.. I think so, but nevermind.. This can say is our first step le^^

Happy that we still can talk and laugh with each other..

New Topic

Gotta start new topic.. Everyday repeat and repeat the same topic feel quite boring actually.. Dont mistaken my meaning.. I just trying to tell that I start to forget what had happened between us.. I'm trying to start our relation from the beginning.. Just like new friend.. Please dont mistaken liao.. Haixx... If keep mistaken again, I think it will make us very suffer one.. So, dont mistaken liao, please^^

I will just tell once..

IN SINCERE HEART WHAT I'VE SAID.. NOT MY OWN EARS HEARD IT.. MAYBE IT'S MISTAKEN OR SOMETHING ELSE.. JUST LET IT PASS AS YOU SAY.. LET THEM SINK INTO THE DEEP DEEP WATER.. AND MAYBE IT WILL RETURN TO HOW WE START OUR FRIENDSHIP OR BECOME ORDINARY CLASSMATE.. THIS IS FUTURE THING LET FUTUREE TO JUDGE.. THAT'S IT.. THE END..

Haixx... I know I've say a lot of wrong things.. The madness is controling my head that time.. But we have already agree that let it be, I do really means that let it be past tense, I didn't mean to cheat you all or not sincere one.. NOW, I REALLY PUT IT DOWN ALREADY.. And I do 自我反省 already.. My heart + my brain neither think nor say anything anymore.. And I also din 埋怨 already.. I do know everything started from me, so I also admit it in my heart already.. I din 不服气..

Haixx... Please, please, please... Dont mistaken liao.. That day you all talked to me liao, I really put down le.. And now my brain is fully, completely, in the mode of RATIONAL.. I wont think negative way anymore.. Please trust me.. Now I also didn't listen to the rumours anymore.. No matter what I'll trust IF I really heard it from my OWN ears about the 'gossips'.. So, we just let it be bha.. I really didn't think too much liao.. I also want to be happy in my last secondary life..

不要在误会彼此了~！！我已经放手不再想那些有的没的了。拜托，trust me~!!!

It's Ok Now?

Yesterday, we have a talk already, even it's not finish yet, but I think at least we get some idea on each other.. It's ok now? I dont know.. Truly that it's MY FAULT.. I do not talk on people first.. I'm the first who suspect people and mistaken them.. Funny~!!! From start till end is really I think too much.. Sweat~!!! ><*****
I think they not really can accept m explanation, I think so.. Because every explanation is worst and also been fought back..
Nothing to say, I just can say sorry.. This whole month full of this word.. Dont know you all will accept or not.. But at least I know I've done wrong.. And I'm willing to say sorry to you all, is not been force or wanna be "innocent" person here.. Just know that I'm Wrong le~!!

Haixxx~!!!!

Haixx~!!! Feel myself sososososo WORST~!!!! Why still cant forget the relation between us lea? Already say wanna put down de.. Haixxx~!!!! Keep think about why I wanna be so 'unsteady' to ask them about is it dont treat me as friend.. Keep thinking about it.. Sweat~!!!! Dont know how I gonna mian dui them tomorrow.. Bha.. Ong Ing Ung, you must be more stronger a~!!!! Dont lose your head to start the 'investigation' again.. If not, they will more dislike you.. Haixxx~~!!!! ==^ You can make it de.. Aza Aza.. Hwaiting~!!! >0< Feel so irritate this few days.. So FAN~!!!! What the (.....)~!!! No mood to check on SHINee and FT. Island news also.. Projects, make me more irritate~!! I dont know how to writea, even i get the photos.. I think need teacher's help this time.. Haixx... Dear Chingu, I'll try to make myself happy without having you all around de.. Jie, sorry to make you so worry me, even you already graduate, but I still make you so worry.. I will work hard in my life till end~!!! Hwaiting~!!!

Sorry, I have Misunderstand..

Finally, I get what I wanted to know about.. Phew~!!! Yuan lai you all dislike is my character.. I still thought that is I have said something wrong.. And, Flo, now i get what you mean bout over caring.. Yo doesn't want me to keep look at you all isit, especially when you all gather with others.. Bha.. Why dont you all just tell me lea? Haixx.. Make us so many misunderstanding between us.. Now, misunderstanding hings already untie and you all also beh tahan my character.. Hmm.. Just let us stay peace in school.. Just like ordinary classmates.. No anger, no hatred.. I think you all love it like this more.. I didn't feel any been bully de feeling.. At first, just felt betrayed, but now.. I think I already used to it about the feeling that you all wanted to ignore me.. Well, I will co-operate what you have talked about.. Although that sometimes my eyes will 'accidentally' look at there.. That become a habit le, but I will try to train my eyes not going there de.. Dont worry.. Even that I have said it to you on chatbox, but still wanna say again.. I'M SOSOSOSOSO SOOOORRRYYYYY~!!! I doesn't know that you all didn't talk behind me.. I just heard that someone told me you all talk behind me.. I think I'll choose to trust you all.. But still can't blame people la.. My mouth also very soi xia la, talk about you all when I know that you all talk about me.. But, it just MISUNDERSTAND.. Bha.. Let just stop thinking complicated things.. We just let it over, let it be.. Let it be~!!!! Let just be a simple classmate.. Then you wont increase your hatred from me.. I say that before that I wanna decrease your anger from me, not increasing it.. I hope that you all will be happy together^^ Feel sad is, Daddy, you know everything, but doesn't tell me.. Act DONT KNOW.. Actually, I'm trying to understand you de, pi jing, it's not your stuff and you cant sam pat about it, because no relation to you kan.. And others who knows but hide behind me de.. You know who are you, I just dont want to say out.. Have same comments on my Daddy to you.. I'm trying to understand you all.. Just my own heart feel sad only.. Let me miserable awhile.. I'll be ok and won't hate you all.. Hmm.. If you din '不削' la.. To person who hate me in class and happy that I lost 3 friends, you will get what I have experience now in your future life.. Because, I have this experience before.. I used to have this heart last time, now everything come back to me.. So people who hate me, you also will got it, just dont know when only.. Hmm.. Flo, I'm not talking about you all here.. Dont mistaken.. I'm just emphasizing someone, others.. Well well. Everything has solved.. Hope that everyone got a new FUTURE LIFE.. I hope that I also have friends that accept my character.. Totally accept that type.. Fall down le, just get up and find 1 more if it's not suitable.. Flo, finally I know that why you can be so 潇洒。。 原来你一直用这种想法，看待世界，看待友情。。 I really do admire you, even we quarrel before and I talk behind you and also you dislike me.. I still DO~!!! From my sincere, true HEART.. >0<

100 POST+Just Tell,OK?

Finally got 100 posts in my blog.. Hmm.. Feel shocked that i got so many sadness and happiness things too write about.. But I think most of it are sad things.. Friendship, family.. I'm the one who cant write much, because no idea and also sentence structure not so good.. Today have 2 purpose blogging.. Firstly, congratz myself for writing a lot and express my feeling in straight way.. Well, be a true person is not easy, especially in this reality environment.. Secondly, a talk for some special one--S.. Girls, anything that you all dislike surely you all can come out now.. Dont just tell me is I think too much.. Really or not, I can see and also you all hard to cheat you your own selves.. I wont keep chasing you around anymore.. I promise this time.. Just give me some time to get used to it.. I know you all feel annoyed when I asked you something, interupt yours conversation and also something that I not clear that make you all feel annoyed.. I really wont disturb anymore.. Even you all soooo angry me, but please, dont talk behind me.. You all like this really not 'gentlemen' la.. You all talk behind me for what? If it is really nothing then dont talk behind me la.. My 'talking behind' is a idiom that means gossip.. Judy, please la, dont keep talk about the oral marks anymore.. I know you use a lot of effort to write that script out, I appreciate it.. Thanxx for writing for me, even it's not specially, but still appreciate that I can have my oral test just because of your script.. I know you wanted to have good marks in evey oral, I know that.. But you don't need to keep thinking about it, isn't it? What are you so jealous for? You have a smart brain.. You can get good marks in every exam.. You cant me blame for getting those marks.. I'm not the teacher, I can jugde to get what marks, all I need to do is put all my effort in.. And the script, I memorized for 1 whole month.. Can't I achieve what iI have done before the oral? And also, you get more higher marks than me, even it is 1 mark higher, but is still higher than mine.. You can't blame me on 'cleaning teacher's shoes', I didn't even do this ind of things before.. I've done nothing wrong.. Why you need to say me till like tis? To the truth, I really very 'yuan wang'.. Our oral marks is consider on how the teacher mark it, not I want high marks then I get it.. Please understand me la, ok? I don't know what are you so bu shuang.. You say that you didn't angry on anything, but you treat me so impatiencely.. This call nothing? You say are they problems.. Judy, you can cheat me but you can't cheat what your heart dislike on.. If not, you won't also treat me like this.. At first, you say I'm the first friend you like before, but then change to Florence.. So from that time, you dislike me isit? So then, from that time onwards, tell me what you dislike.. Dont just keep say are their problems.. Ask me ask them only.. You also have to problem on me, isn't it? Florence, you say you aren't dislike me.. Just I over caring you all.. Now I'm confusing what your meaning on over caring? Because I used many ways to change my over caring character, but it still seem that, there are no changes, so I quite confused what you want me to do actually.. It means, I over sticking you all or over annoyed? Or other meaning that I can't get it.. I'm sorry that I'm kind of lacking to get this understand.. If we are friends, aren't friends always stick together? Why can't I stick around with you all? Flo, from your heart, do you really not angry or dislike me? I dont know what I need to do to reduce your anger or dislikeness.. Hmm.. You can tell face to face or msg me, I'll try to reduce it.. Just tell to me, k? Ying, dont know what things make me step on tail to make you get so angry to me.. Hmm.. I know that you also get very impatience with me now.. Sorry to annoyed you to ask you about the things that I always asked.. Well, actually I wanted to ask you from face to face, but everytime when I want to talk with you all, you all seem not welcome me to talk.. So I'm still waiting the chance to have a talk with you all.. See what I've done wrong and I've made you all so angry about me.. I won't simply talk anything when you in shop.. But please don't use that type like order people's word to tell me.. It feels like I'm working under you.. Sorry for saying like this.. I know you will be angry, just please understand me, please.. I didn't mean anything.. i just want to tell out only.. If really make you angry again, I'll just apologize.. Girls, you all keep asked me not to think too much.. Well, I want to, but hard to cheat myself.. Hmm.. How about you all just tell me what's going on.. Then, you all will feel relief that I won't ask again and I also know I should do that won't annoyed you.. I really don't know what's the matter that make you all angry me for 1 whole month.. You all just talk behind me, make me feel more suspicous about what are you blaming on me.. So, just tell bha.. How about we have a talk on Next Wednesday lunch time.. Then I know what should I do about after that..

对不起，伤害过你。

“看完了你写的文章后，我不但没有生气，反而觉得很高兴，因为你终于开窍了，我们少了你不会死掉，你少了我们也不会死掉，所以别在做会让你丢脸的事情了，我坦白跟你说，你认为之前你做的那些伤害我的事情会那么容易得到宽恕吗？那根刺从以前到今日还在我心里，我不是没有尝试把它忘掉去接受你成为我的朋友，而是你当年的无知伤害了别人，你知道吗？你可以当若无其事，你没想过那个人的感受，现在你尝到同感深受，滋味如何？我能肯定，你现在流得泪是我当年流得十分之一，你种的因，结的果就该由你去受。一个人若心有芥蒂是无法轻易去接受道谦。我说的出，我就做得到，希望你说的出也能做的到，我想你明白我指的是什么。” Bii，这真的是你心里话吗？原来你真的那么讨厌我。我从来不晓得。我一直以为你的‘毒舌功’其实是你个人的讲话方式。我从来不知道你的‘毒舌’是冲着我来的。虽然你对盈和Judy没这么‘毒舌’过。我一直忽略你对我的‘特别’，可是现在已经到了无法忽略的地步了。我一直以为你已经释怀了，原来不是，是我太自以为是了。 对，你很了解我，知道我所说的大部分都做不到，而你说指的事情更难。难怪每次都会抱怨我的不是，不太爱理我除了‘必须时’。Judy跟我说，你依然当我是好朋友，当时我还跟他赌了呢。每次跟他赌我都会输，可是今次我赢了，而且还是全胜呢。你的心里从来容忍不了我的存在。可是为什么这么突然就讨厌我了呢？呵~！！我在问废话吗？！你从来都没喜欢过我，不是吗？我一直很期待我跟你们可以一直到毕业呢，就像你跟盈一样。我一直以来都很羡慕你跟她的友情，因为我从来没有过。或许，我的生活太优了吧，上天才把我的友情变得困难重重，抑或许，我真的，干太多坏事了，所以才得不到友情的‘青睐’。 神，您真的要这样吗？一直让我没有朋友到老吗？不是每个人都说，当您关上他们的门时，会开一扇窗给他们吗。为什么我还没看到到您给我打开的窗呢？ 当看到你的文章时，头皮开始发麻了，因为我不想要浮上水面的事情，已浮出来。继续游览你的网页，才知道你对我真的讨厌到无法原谅的地步。我的确是很不不爽，虽然每天见面，但我不会给你两啪，原因一：我的确很狗，害怕你生气，只能用部落格来壮壮胆量；原因二：我伤害过你，在弥补期。我虽然在三八你的事情，可是不用你给我FB的密码。我只想找出我错在哪里，从我错的地方开始改，改到你不在讨厌我，把我当成你的朋友之一。我知道你们没有我也不会死，相反的，我没你们我还是如此。这点，我的确很清楚，因为这很明显。你们少了我，反而让你们想进行的任何计划更顺利，不管是课业或外出计划。我只是想你们有什么事‘稍微’跟我分享下，让我知道你们还有想到我而已。我清楚我自身的身价。对任何人来说，我不过是个路人甲乙丙，而对你们来说，我根本算不上是什么。课业不好，脸蛋不好，基本常识不好，时尚不好，性格不好，这些对你们来说都是刚好相反的东西，也是你们用来沟通的材料。在你们的面前，我从来没有把自己当成是高高在上的人。我一直认为你们可以算是我的学习更多我‘不知道’的事。的确，您这样说已经算是给我面子了，没把我的照片和名字公布在网上来辱骂。以我对你的少许了解，更难听的话，你依然可以说给你讨厌的人听。你这样做的确算是‘稍微’而已。我大概知道你所说‘我的历史’是什么。是指我以前被‘她抛弃’过的事吧。我并不晓得你不愿意听，况且，我说的时候是因为我只是在‘陈述’我为什么这么没有安全感而已。而且，我记得，我只说过一次。不过，还是很抱歉，我让你耳朵受罪了。 我的确在做丢人的事情。心里很不爽，也觉得很委屈。每次都在想，为什么我活的如此卑微，以人心情定我生死。隔天一早，我还是做这种事情。我不是在补过我那天所写的东西，而是我心中虽然不满，可是我还是依然照做。我可以诚实的告诉你们，我也不知道到底是什么东西拒绝我反抗你们，反正就是不想跟你们疏远关系。说真的，不爽我可以直接走人，干么要酱冤枉的继续被奴役。可是就是怕你们不理我，我才乖乖听话吗。Bii，我知道如果你看到我的文章的话，一定会嘲笑我的。可以预想到你不削的神情了。我没有用你们所讨厌的‘悲伤’神情去写这篇‘道歉文章’。 我知道有些事情挑明来说了就没有后路了，要么就‘天堂’，要么就‘地狱’，而显然我的‘好运气’是地狱。重复又重复的读着真的让自己回想到，我真的如此恶劣，如此不被需要吗？我不知道能够说什么，也不知道该说些什么，只是真的觉悟了，我原来真的那么令人讨厌。 到毕业以前，我会尽量让自己不被你讨厌的。我一定会把自己撑到那个时候的。也希望，你心中的那根刺会随着我的毅力和时间慢慢地被我拔出来。你说得对，自己种的因，结的果当然是自己承担。所以，我现在会为自己所做的事情负起责任的。你心中的那根刺，我拔定了。虽然不知道会不会成功，可是不试过怎么会知道结果呢。 在这里，我郑重的跟你道歉。 Bii，对不起。我为我当年做过的事跟你道歉。我不知道我的无知可以让你伤的那么深。虽然事隔多年，你还是无法谅解，也无法让我靠近你的心里，成为你真正的朋友，可是你是我最欣赏的朋友，也是现在我想争取的朋友，我不会放弃让你承认我是你的朋友的。 我知道你会觉得我很可笑，也觉得很白痴，可是这是我心里的想法。我知道你真的真得很，非常的讨厌我，但是，我依然希望你用全新的态度再次评估我是否适合。这是我的小小要求而已，希望你能够成全我。

It's Bad Dream

I think this time it isn't I think too much.. You divisible your post from me, decline my phone, doesn't reply my message both in FB and phone.. You off your phone after I called in.. Well, Ying say, you uses your SIM for internet.. I tried to trust it, but I cant.. It's so hard to trust.. How I gonna trust it? Isit really just like what you all say, I'm too sensible? No.. 100%, it isn't.. Is you all do it too over le.. Message didn't reply is still consider as lazy wanna reply.. But calling until the phone stop and the 2nd time I call you purposely shut down the phone that's call, you really HATE/DISLIKE/FADE UP me.. Is this what you all are thinking? Wanna break the friendship between us? Tiara Jie says, this is our pleasure to be friends with each other because the God gives us this chance to meet each other, to know each other and to be friends with each other.. I appreciate that even sometimes I go something to 抱怨 between each of you, but I still 看重 our friendships.. But, what do you all treat me as actually? From your heart, you truly heart, what do you treat me as? True friendships? Or just the fake one? Which you all choose? I'm sorry that I annoyed so much about this stuff again.. I dont want much with you all, I just want a safety friendship relation.. I really dont want our relation 变质.. I still want this friendships.. Do you all? I still dont know wat's wrong between you all and me.. I thought that our problem have solve it on last Saturday or Sunday actully, but it seems that is I thinking it too naive.. If this is you all's 手段 to kick me out，then I can say, you all have success.. I have nothing to win you all.. I have completely lose..If this is you all's 选择，then I have nothing to say.. I will leave as you all wish to.. 'She' done anything wrong, you all just talk at her back.. I done wrong, you all wanted me to leave.. I have nothing to say.. I think this is what the adults say-- This is the world's REALITY.. YOU ALL COMPLETELY WIN.. From beginning till the end.. Till now it just a bad dream to me.. I'm just being a clown on this show.. Maybe I shall leave PEOPLE from the the world.. Maybe I shall be alone from the begining to the end of my life.. I always fall on the same spot.. I know that it will repeat and repeat again if I start a friendship, but I still jump in to the trap that I always fall.. I think I'll try to leave from FRIENDSHIP, this world to the end of my life.. I have fade up with friendship.. I'm tired to support friendship..

Can trust or Not?

Yesterday, I mean a day before my last post,(Actually my last post is on FRIDAY, forget POST.. I just post it..) she called me to explain fridays's "incident".. I sent her a message on Facebook, the words in the message quite rude actually.. Hmm.. Maybe quite.. She explain everything.. Bha.. Actually was a mistaken "incident".. She and SHE--S, thought that I 'sam pat' to teacher, so they angry me(is according to her's statement).. True or not, I dont know.. I just accept it to make myself feel better.. She asked me not to become too sensible on this kind of stuff.. Yesterday, I feel quite relief because she told me that she treated me as a FRIEND, and she--s also.. After finish talking with her, I called another her.. Hmm.. I feel that she was impatience when I called her.. Well, I dont think that she satisfied with my explanation.. Feel that, she just feel very annoyed on me.. Quite miserable on that.. BUT... A day after yesterday, I totally broke down my confidence.. All my confident really broken.. I dont know they still treat friend me or not.. Just because 1 message.. Actually in the afternoon I already felt very unsafety about it, but night, I get that 'LUCKY MESSAGE'.. The 1st 'she' wrong sending to me.. When I get that message my mind comes out a question, "Couldn't I ask about it? What so secret that can't tell me?".. I ask about the project only, you ask 3rd 'she', "(...), (...) got sms you and ask about de project?".. What for you ask about it? I mean, what for you must ask another first.. Need to build you all's answer to 'debate' my question? I just wanted to ask only.. I didn't say I must join your group, if you all do not want me in.. I can leave, as you all like~!!!! Don't use that kind of SIGN.. Tell me DIRECTLY.. I'm stupid, I can't UNDERSTAND your's DISLIKE/HATE SIGN.. I just get it on DIRECT WORDS..

Friendship, True or Fake?

Is this gonna happen again? Breaking up with friends.. I dont know what to comment about.. I just know that it will break up few weeks or few months later.. You ak me why, I have no idea also.. They totally ignore me, from morning till finish school.. It make feel that they totally don't want to talk to me.. Am I mistaken? I don't know.. I just know that I get totally angry on it.. Whenever I do anyhitngs, surely I'll look for them and see what are they doing.. But for them, they totally DONT CARE, COMPLETELY IGNORE.. SHIT~!! Fade up, it made me totally fade up.. You all just enjoy what you all are doing, enjoying yours EXCITED conversation.. You all completely din feel what I feel and also din care what I feel, when you all treat me like this.. You all treat me just like a DOG~!! A dog that serves ou all.. When you call, i come; when you get accompanied, you all just throw me alone there, talk also lazy want to talk to me.. Not I'm too sensible, is you all make it too clearly le.. I just want to igonore because I need you, friend, but you all.. You all din treat me as friends before ok.. I reali what I should do and talk about.. It makes me totally speechless on that day, just left anger.. I dont know that you all treat me as a real friend or a fake friend.. Bha.. I just can do a thing, that's, wait yours 'judgement'.. That's it..

Tsunami Strikes Japan~!!!

The Tsunami is here again~!!! It had it before since December 26,2006.. March 11, 2011, it has it again.. This time the Tsunami happened in Japan.. Actually, yesterday my parents and I were planning to go Hokkaido on June.. But now, I think we will cancel this planning.. It's so scary.. It sudden happens Earthquake there, and it is 8.9 magnitude Earthquake..


Omo~!! Everything there has destroy.. Houses, cars, boats, buildings, etc.. I really hurt when I saw this news.. 2oo over people are dead.. Oh My God~!! Please Pray for the Victims.. I get scared about the incident because it says that it will affect Sabah also between 6pm till 12am.. The messages and the news are spreaded all over Sabah or maybe Malaysia.. Bha.. It's really a very serious case..

Today's sky it reali shows very badly.. Cloudy, blur, and the colour of the sky feels that it is crying.. Cries sadly..

When the news about it will affect Sabah, the first thing come in my mind is, I still got a lot of things haven't done yet.. Still haven't enjoy University's life, haven't in a relationship before, etc.. It really SWEAT~!! I don't want to be hang on the tree.. TT

It almost 12am now.. Tsunami, please get away from us.. We didn't do anything wrong to the God.. Let's pray to the God for best bright future..

Kpop

Annyeong~!!!
This year i'm totally, fully, completely, crazy on Kpop.. Songs, dramas, programmes, etc.. Really crazy on~!!! Phone's themes are ready to change later.. XD
My blog now is on the Kpop Wave~!!!
Enjoy the songs^^

3个月的琐事

3个月了。新年`情人节`月考，统统都过去了。有些事也过去了。。
跟她的友情足足过了一年。刚开始时觉得怪苦的，好像没了这个朋友，我会撑不下去，后来觉得没了她，日子还是得过。
跟阿Bii，盈，还有Juju过着Form5生活。跟她们在一起很开心，可是她们的‘毒舌功夫’真的很难忍受；他们的举止真的让我很没有安全感，在学校的时候，他们的言行就好像对着自己不爽的人一样；相反的，在通讯或网上聊天的时候就超好的。说真的，我都快给他们搞得有人格分裂症了。你们到底是怎样的人呢？这麽多年了，我还是没办法适应她们的模式。三位亲爱的朋友啊，我个人超敏感的，不要对我若即若离，好吗？我很接受得了。还剩一年咱们就毕业了，让咱们当多一年的朋友吧。
在友情上，我依然跌跌撞撞，没改变过。到底是什么问题，我还是不晓得。是我的问题吗？还是她们呢？抑或是，我的脸看起来就不讨人喜欢？我承认我长得丑，可是友情不是不论长相`身高`钱财`等等之类的吗。为什么不能接受我这个‘人’呢？怪好奇+奇怪~！！！！
‘不慎脚有运’快滚吧~！！不要来了~！！我已经跌了够久够多了。重复又重复的跌倒也会让开朗的人也变得郁闷得好吗。我真的很累了。小心翼翼的保护友情，真的很累。我真的快撑不住了。

Happy Chinese New Year 2011

Komawa~!!! ^^
Today is Chinese New Year for 2011~!! Become older le.. Hahaha~!!
So happy, can take angpau again.. XD
I admit i'm greedy^^ 1 year just once, so please forgive me.. ^^
So excited hearing the sounds of the fireworks.. Make me gonna out to play it.. Haha~!!
I used to play at this time when I was young with all of my cousin.. The children will play the fireworks and the adults will gamble.. Haha~!!! Such a compliment combination.. I think all of us are like this.. XD
After my brother leave KK, my mum doesn't buy fireworks anymore.. SAD~!!! TT
Wanna ask her buy me some, but none of a person accompany me playing outside during midnight, feel 'something'.. Heee:) Admit scared that "stuff"..
Hmm... watch TV to pass my New Year feel so 宅.. But what can I do, no one will take me out now, unless I walk out.. Haixx~!!!
Thursday can meet my cousin sister.. Happy~!!! Can play with them^^ And luckily my big cousin sister's son, Gabriel, dont scared me le.. He will play me le.. Hahaha~!!! So happy.. Still remember last week he saw me direct cry, so sad, heart broke.. My face got so scary mea? I just admit that my body is huge size only.. People still very cute de lo.. XD (SS~!! Haha~!!!) Now all of my nephew not scared me le.. Hahahahahahaha~!!!! My best gift~!!!
Anyway, Happy Chinese New Year~!!!

Background Music

Haha~!! Finally.. Finally.. Finally~!!! Muahahahaha~!! Finally I know how to make the background sound without showing out the music player.. Haha.. I'm lack of doing this stuff.. Hee:)
But finally I know how it make.. Haha~!!
This time I used a lovely song.. (promoting~!! XD) Hands Sealed With a Kiss (Tsunaido te ni Kiss wo).. A song from D. Gray Man(Cartoon^^).. This song sang by Allen Walker( from the movie, actually is Sanae Kobayashi--the artist).. Actually i wanted to use the piano version, is nicer, but i cant found that.. Sweat~!!! So i have to use mp3 version.. Haixx~!!!
Hmm.. This song make me feel something very sad.. Dont know why, just feel that touch and sad..
Hmm.. Not much time for me to talk about the story.. Just enjoy my new background song^^ BYE~!!!!

2011

Happy New Year~!!

I know is very late to say that now.. Hee:)

School days have started and my life is gonna to be busy again.. Schooling, tuition, schooling tuition.. Haixx~!! Such a busy life..

2011, it means that i grow more older now, upgraded to form 5.. Haha^^